Every negotiation is like a poker game. Generally speaking, there’s no force to be applied. But watching for subtle signs from the other party will help you know where the negotiation is headed and allow you to address the real issues or move on. If you’re observant, sensitive and experienced, you will be able to read the other player’s “tell”; you will know what the other person wants without being explicitly told. If, however, you are engaged in some form of wishful thinking and have decided how a negotiation ought to go rather than reacting to the cards as they are actually played then you won’t see the tell and you’ll always be surprised when bad news crops up.
I recently had a negotiation where my customer, the tenant, was delayed in handing over their financial statements. The landlord’s broker started saying things like, “there’s another offer that just came in and we’re considering it, so you’d better tell your tenant to hurry up.” In a situation like this, you never know if it’s real or just the hard sell. But late one Friday afternoon, the broker said something uncharacteristic. He said, “If it were up to me, I’d tell the landlord to take the other deal.” Well, first of all, it was up to him to give advice and secondly, if the other deal was better, or more secure, the landlord would have simply taken it and wouldn’t have been hesitating. So I knew then that, at least for the moment, we were safe and I could relax that weekend. (This story doesn’t have a happy ending, but not because of the delayed financials.)
In a negotiation, before you can solve a problem, you must understand it. Sometimes the problem is that the other party says one thing, but really means another. Again, if you’re sensitive, you will understand the real stakes and will be able to respond correctly. I once had another negotiation about electricity where the landlord kept saying, “I don’t know if I have the capacity,” but what he really meant was, “I’ve changed my mind and I don’t really want this company as a tenant.” We moved on quickly.
You have to grasp that you can’t always refashion a negotiation that is going poorly into one that weighs in your favor, but you can always be prepared with your best play simply by staying observant.